A little weird from the bottom to the top
But how do I express what I feel if your just a person I just met.
Yes, every friend is just a stranger at best.
All you gotta do is pass a little test.
Will you be able to be my friend.
Don't worry I'll keep an open mind.
Alright First off, let me say we'll be friends in some little time.
Yeah, I used to be a little uncomfortable those other times.
Gotta give me the right stuff to keep you in my mind.
Being comfortable, now thats a sign.
When we were hanging, this isn't nothin'.
This could actually becoming somthin'.
You know I'm fine with you becoming my friend
You'll get my protection, cause
You're my friend.
I'm your totoro, will you be mine?
Your second stanza needs 3 more lines. I would get this poem a little bit better if I knew what a totoro was. But when you explain it and how it relates to you, I get a better idea of what it is and what it looks like. Your word choice is pretty good, your poem flows really well with the type of word choice you picked. This is a really good poem, just add a little bit more lines to your second stanza and you should be good to go.
ReplyDeleteThe content in the poem is kinda deep and the way you wrote it, it's almost like you're talking to someone. I don't know if your format for the 2nd stanza is correct, unless it was like a spacing error or something like that. And instead of trying to rhyme certain parts whether it's for an effect or not, you should focus on making sense of your words. But, overall this was a really good poem.
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