Technology, the biggest part in most people's lives we use it for almost everything. Our lives are so dependent on it but in some cases there are people that ruin our experience using technology. Cyberbullying is the most known name of this curse technology has on our social aspects in our life's. Cyber Bullying in teens can be good but most instances it's mostly bad. Teens don't know It but their peers shape what is either "cool" or not in most aspects in their lives because they want to fit into the group. Teens are afraid if they don't participate in activities that will boost their "social image" then they would be ridiculed for not doing it. Bullying is responsible for approximate 4,400 deaths among teens. Peer pressure is linked to cyberbullying, and it can lead to lack of self control due to low self confidence, little to no concerns for own health, and bad decision making.
Peer pressure, most people think of it as others make your decisions for you instead of your taking charge of your life. "Typically, when kids cave in under peer pressure it is because they want to fit in." Since teens want to fit in they want to do things that would help better their "social image" for others. This in a situation where others discourage a person to not do illegal activity online could give the person a reason not to do it. "Some of this peer influence can be positive like encouraging another person to make a good choice..." Peer pressure could be a good thing for teens who want to fit in. For example when a teen is choosing whether or not to help a person the influence from his or her peers can sway their decision.
But on the other hand is the bad decisions peer pressure can cause, especially when influencing others to do illegal activities. "Sometimes kids within a clique will pressure other kids to bullying." Teens are always exposed to their peers and it could result in bad situations that could turn even worse than it already is. Most cases end up in the teens being segregated from the group as a result of cyberbullying with the help of their peers. Then after being separated from the group it just keeps getting worse after the fact. "Other times teens will feel an internal pressure to do thing they think their peer are doing." Relating to cyberbullying people can pressure someone that their way is the wrong way and then separating them from the group. Whatever the matter is if it maybe pirating movies or something illegal pressuring someone to do what the group thinks is right may not be right for the person being pressured.
In addition low self confidence plays a big role in use of peer influence. "Kids are afraid if they don't exclude others, participate in gossip, spread rumors and make fun of others then they too will be ostracized or tormented by bullies." Teens who feel as though they need to bully someone because another person is bullying them shows the teen has low self confidence. The teen would have low self confidence because they feel the need to participate instead of doing the right thing and helping the person being bullied out of the gutter and on with their lives. Often teens accept that since "everyone's doing it" then it is mistook and further lowers a person's self confidence. Then the person would further think since the group is doing it then it's alright. But teens take that the wrong way and leave their better judgment in place for their peers to alter. As a result the person's self confidence would be at stake because the person would have no second thought in the situation than they would otherwise. Then again the person relies on their peers to make their decisions.
In conclusion, peer pressure can either have a good or bad influence on a person, but the decision is your whether or not to take the best path for you. However in our world today, people take others opinions in as their own and would rather use that than their own opinion. Around 4,400 teens die due to peer pressure and cyberbullying working hand in hand. This further proves that peer pressure is linked to cyberbullying which can cause low self confidence, no concerns for own health, and bad decision making. All of this is up to you whether you want to follow the group to a wrong choice or to follow your better judgement. Whatever you may choose don't let peer pressure control your life.
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ReplyDeleteHi Tyler,
ReplyDeleteintro: I get what youre trying to get across, but your sentences are lengthy (lines 1-4). It would make your intro better if youre more clear about what youre saying and maybe also take out a few details so that it does get to the point. But the sentences after till the end of your intro were good in purpose and transition to the next paragraph.
body: I was able to tell which structure you chose (con. pro, pro). The quotes you chose supported the paragraph's topic and you emphasized on your pros more then the con which was good. Other than that, I understood it's content, there was sentence fluency, and your thesis was conveyed.
conclusion: you were repetitive about how decision making is the readers choice so maybe mentioning it only once in the end would be better then both in the beginning and end so that it connects to your last statement. I feel that it can be effective if you have a more solid lasting thought to really finish strong.
YOU NEED TO READ THROUGH YOUR ENTIRE ESSAY. THERE IS A LOT OF RUN-ON SENTENCES OR GRAMMAR ISSUES (NO COMMAS). YOUR BODY PARAGRAPHS NEED STRONGER EVIDENCE. REMEMBER YOU ARE TRYING TO PROVE YOUR POINT, SO YOU NEED TO FIND EVIDENCE( STATISTICS, STUDIES DONE, FACTS) THAT HELP PROVE IT. AND USING SOMEONE ELSE'S QUOTE ISN'T AS STRONG.
ReplyDeleteCONCLUSION STARTS OFF A BIT ROUGH THE OPENING TWO SENTENCES ARE VERY CONFUSING. DON'T TRY TO BE WORDY AND JUST GET YOUR POINT ACROSS. AND YOU REPEAT EXACTLY WHAT YOU SAID IN THE INTRODUCTION INCLUDING THE SAME FACT PLEASE AVOID DOING THIS. GIVE US DIFFERENT LASTING INSIGHT. AS(2+)